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Personal Life Update

Hey, guys! How are you all doing? You might have noticed I haven’t been around lately. It was such a roller coaster ride of emotions for me these past few weeks, not to mention the physical ordeal I’ve been through, and it certainly took its toll. 

My husband and I just celebrated our third wedding anniversary this month. We’ve been trying to conceive since last year but wasn’t so fortunate. Last year, I gained too much weight and despite the diet and exercise, I just kept on gaining. It turns out I have polycystic ovaries which also caused my monthly period to stop and in a way, temporarily affected the ability to conceive. But fortunately, it wasn’t so bad on my case. I was given some pills to help me deal with it, mostly with the trying to have a baby part and was advised to lose weight. Which really isn’t easy as I really love to eat. Luckily, my good friend introduced to me a product, a coffee, that she said will help me lose weight. I decided to give it a try since I saw the result on her. Slowly, I started to lose weight and with the help of the pills, my period seemed to become normal again.

And just over a month after all that, what we’ve been waiting for finally come. I am pregnant. We’re so happy and so were our parents as they were waiting for it longer than me and my husband are. All those lethargic and lazy days I’ve had was actually because of the pregnancy. I started having nausea and I’m always hungry yet lack the appetite to eat. We started ordering books about pregnancy and thinking of baby names. We both wanted to have a boy. And then, I started spotting, just a little, for a couple of days. I was told it’s normal but was still advised to take things slow and just stay in bed as much as possible, to be safe. It helped that I’m always sleepy. Six weeks in and we had an ultrasound to hear the heartbeat of our little one. Only, there is none. We were devastated. It was hard to accept that it could end just like that. I’ve been constantly asking myself what have I done wrong. But my husband profusely assured me that none of us were at fault. If anything, we did everything we can and there’s nothing else we could have done differently to change what happened. Of course, the doctor and midwives told us the same thing, that it happened to one out of five pregnancies. But that doesn’t make things easier to accept.

My family told me to wait a couple more weeks just to make sure and after seeing the doctor, he advised to do the same thing as there are instances that the embryo’s development is delayed. But he also told us not to hope too much. But how can you not, right? When it’s the one thing you want the most, how can you give up the hope that there’s a chance, however slim that is, that things will turn out okay. It was the most gruelling two weeks of my life. Our families’ support is astounding, especially my family back in the Philippines. They gave me so much strength despite the distance and I can never be thankful enough. Our appointment for an ultrasound come and this time, I am more accepting of whatever the outcome may be. Our baby still hasn’t got a heartbeat and even stopped developing altogether. It is as painful to hear as the first time but like I’ve said, I’ve already come to terms with it and there’s no use beating myself about it when I know Adrien and I did our best.

It’s been over a week and right now, Adrien and I are both doing fine. We are still in the process of moving on from the loss and I’m certain it will stay with us for a long time. Yes, we cry and we talk about it a lot but we are also optimistic and just think that now, we have a little angel looking after us. We are hoping that things will turn out differently the next time. It wasn’t easy and it took a lot of will to abandon the couch and the bed and slink back to what I’ve been doing before, but I’m trying, albeit slowly. 

Thank you all for taking the time to read my rather lengthy personal update. I hope you, guys, have a great day.

des-pink

40 thoughts on “Personal Life Update

      1. I am fine, Harini. Trying to keep myself busy so as not to get sucked in the hole, else I’ll find myself in bed all day. But I’m slowly getting back to my old routine. 🙂

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  1. Oh my Des. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you must be going through bit I commend you on your courage for sharing your story with us. I’m glad you and your husband are able to find a positive spark even through your grief and I hope for the very best for both of you the next time around. 💜

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  2. Des, I know this is heartbreaking for both of you. It happened to me, too, and I’ve never stopped wondering what that child would have been like but I did end up with two wonderful kids. I will hold you in my prayers while you recover and then start trying again.

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    1. Thanks a lot, Lelia! I’m glad things went great with you. Story like yours gives me a lot of courage to pull through this setback and look forward for what’s to come. 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much, Kristin! Reading a lot of same experiences helped me a lot to get through the grief. It was hard but sharing my own is like my way of moving on and maybe someday I can help someone who’s going through the same experience. 🙂

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  3. I’m so sorry for your loss! I’ve been there so I understand all too well how painful it is. The silver lining in all of this? You guys can conceive! And when the time is right, you will have your little miracle. All the best Des!

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  4. My heart is broken for you! I know there is nothing that anyone can say, but I want you to know that you’ll be in my prayers. You are so brave to put this out there, and I know that your courage will help someone else get through their own tragedy.

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  5. Awww Des, I’m truly sorry you had to go through this. I know it must be very difficult and so heart breaking. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

    Sending you and your family so much love. Stay strong and never lose hope.

    XOXO

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  6. Aww, Des, I’m so very sorry! I know how heartbreaking this is for you…I don’t usually talk about it unless it comes up, but I’ve had 3 miscarriages in between having my 3 children, so I definitely know how your loss. One of my pregnancies ended at 16 weeks, so that was the hardest of all although losing any pregnancy is a tragedy. I have endometriosis and that was attributed to my problems although now my Dr’s have said that my pregnancy issues were likely caused by having undiagnosed Lupus. I know how hard this is to talk about, but you’re so brave to share with us what happened! ❤ And talking about it definitely helps. I never talked to anyone after my 1st 2 miscarriages and that was a bad idea…it was too traumatic to deal with on my own. I’m so glad you have people supporting you! I’ll be thinking of you and your husband and sending you good thoughts!! Hugs and prayers! ❤😘

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    1. Thank you so much, Stephanie! I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, too. That was such an experience and thank you for sharing it. My mother went through two stillbirths and a miscarriage as well and women like you and my mother inspire me a lot. It was a heartbreaking experience and I can’t imagine going through it multiple times. That was tough and yet here you are spreading love and positivity. I can’t thank you enough for the inspiration and support. 🙂

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  7. I’m so sorry for your loss, Des. i know how that feels. I was going through the same situation last year in November. Me too had PCOD but it was 6 years before. I continued medication for almost 2 years and when I was at the end of the treatment I got married. First thing I did was lose weight, started exercising, it was lot of work, it took two years to lose those extra weight that i gained because of PCOD. Last year, in Jan, we started planning for baby which took little time. I found i was pregnant on my birthday in Oct. we were so happy. We even got heartbeat on 6th week but it was very weak so doctor scheduled follow up scan after 15 days. On the same day of check up i started spotting. Doc did scan and there was no heartbeat. Doc immediately advised to remove baby. My family was very supportive but it was little hard for my husband’s parents. My mother-in-law even blamed me, not directly but she did. It was hard time for us. Being strong was only way out. After 3 months we tried again and now I’m pregnant and on 15th week. Delivery date is in November, the same month all these happened. Weird, right? I never talked about my first miscarriage openly nor I declared I’m pregnant right now among book community. I’m still scared, hoping this time everything will be okay. I know how tough it is but stay strong. Sending hugs, prayers, and positive thoughts! ❤

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    1. Aww! I’m sorry for your loss, too, Yesha. It isn’t easy going through something like that but I’m glad you’re doing fine. Just know that despite what other people believe, you are not to blame for what happened. Things like what happened to us are beyond our control and despite our best efforts, nothing could change the outcome. And thank you for sharing your story. It is inspiring me and my husband to not lose hope and just try again. Congratulations on the pregnancy and I hope everything turns out fine. ❤️

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      1. Thank you, Des! I know it’s not in anyone’s control. My doc also said this is very common these days with first pregnancy. In 50% cases it happens either you face this kind of issue – a miscarriage or baby grow abnormally and that baby won’t live long even after delivery which is even worse than a miscarriage . She was very nice told me to keep trying after giving it a resting/healing period. It hurt me when people said such things but my husband was really supportive. We kept our hopes and I definitely ignored all negativity. Keep your hopes and positivity alive and I’m sure you will be sharing good news in few months too. 🙂 ❤

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      2. We were told the same thing by the doctor and midwives and in a way made it a bit easier to accept everything. It’s like, better to happen early on than later when the baby’s out. You’re right, just focus on the positive and surround yourself with people who support you. No sense of entertaining negativity from others, that’s why I limit the news of pregnancy and miscarriage to just family and a couple of friends. Thank you, Yesha! I’m already looking forward to it. 😊

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  8. Your a very brave woman talking about what terrible ordeal you have gone through. I’m devastated for you. But 9 years ago My daughter’s first baby died inside her but wouldn’t come away so the hospital had to take it away. She fell pregnant straight away again and now I have a nine year grandson. I’m sure you will have get pregnant again and everything will turn out to be just fine. Seems like you have excellent doctors and hospital. Hope you get pregnant again soon. With love from my heart to you Suzanne.

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